(1)You have a full time job & you also do a lot of volunteer work. Where at and what do you do ? 

 I work in Mesa as a supervisor at a veterinary clinic. The volunteer stuff I do all over. I am a chaplain, grief counselor, trauma response specialist, pet chaplain, suicide prevention counselor, Animal Assisted Therapist and PTSD grounding specialist.  I have been in hospice for about 7 years volunteering as a chaplain and Animal Assisted Therapist. From that, I have branched off to a position as a counselor at a horse ranch that helped Veterans suffering from PTSD. I do visits to hospitals, hospice, care centers, and schools with my register therapy mini horse Peanut. When my finances allow I do weekly or biweekly food drop offs of bagged meals to the homeless communities in Mesa, Phoenix and Tempe. Once a month I go to a few cemeteries around the east valley and clean up and replace the flowers on gravestones for hospice patients or their loved ones I know/knew. I was volunteering in the prison system for a while, but due to violence I stepped away. I volunteer on a suicide prevention hotline. I also do free guidance sessions for younger members of the LGBTQIA community for young people who have depression,etc. I do a lot of grief counseling, and lately counseling helping people deal with the transition of entering society from the quarantine. 

(2) As a chaplain, what is the main thing that people want to talk to you about ?   

A big thing is loneliness, guilt and grief. Alot of people are plagued with the guilt of past actions or words left unsaid. Guilt of actions from their past or just being lonely. I have people who ask me to pray for them, or for those they care about. I have been doing a bunch of addiction counseling recently, which is a new thing for me. 

3) What does a yellow ribbon mean?

 The yellow ribbon represents suicide awareness and allows the friends and loved ones left behind to show their support. The ribbon has been a great tool in allowing people to bond over the shared experience of a life lost. It allows them to have a platform to stop this painful and devastating thing. Humans are solitary when it comes to our grief. This ribbon allows us to openly bond with others who have shared experiences and try to heal. 

(4) Does the church have a specific role in suicide prevention? If so, what is that role? 

 The church, depending on the type of religion you follow has different beliefs. Most western sects and Catholic stemming religions have a negative view on suicide. Treating those who had lost that battle as weak, possessed or unfaithful. Over the past 60ish years most institutions have been more forgiving and try to understand what led someone to that action. The main reforms started happening after soldiers from WW2 came back with "shell shock" and were unable to really understand PTSD and wanted to end their pain. When I enter the situation/conversation as a member of the church I try to not to go in "Bible Blazing". An individual who suffers from these thoughts and emotions may not want to discuss religion. That is ok. My desire to help them is not dependent on their belief in God. It has more to do with my love, the strength my belief gives me, and my desire to help. 

(5) What is the leading cause / main risk factors for suicide?

There are many factors, so many it's hard to dial it down to a handful. One person's reason may not be as strong as another's. Grief, guilt, undiagnosed mental illness, peer or familial pressure, heartbreak, fear, stress, trauma and confusion. 

(6) What are the three levels of strategies for suicide prevention?   

Before it occurs, as it occurs and after occurrence. This can be for the choice of life or death.  Ideally, I try to go with assessment, recognition, intervention, and solution. The biggest thing is humans want to be considered and included. No one is a passenger in their mental care, and I want them to feel included and valued. 

(7) Have you experienced talking to someone with suicidal thoughts ? If so, what happened ( general info ) .

I have spoken to so many people from around the world. A man in South Africa who was battling depression for years. A teenage girl from China who was under pressure from her family. An 8 yr old boy in the Midwest who was being abused. A new mom who was depressed after a difficult pregnancy and birth. A soldier in Germany who was afraid to come home after being in Kandahar. They all had different struggles and different reasons. Their breaking points were either a hairpin trigger or heavy bricks. Each of their struggles and souls are still so important and deserve to heal and be happy. I have spoken to more people than I can count on phone, via skype/zoom, or in person. I struggled for years with my own thoughts about it. It's hard to acknowledge, understand and try to move past. I have only witnessed 2 deaths from suicide. 

The first was David from Chandler. He was abused as a child. Raped, beaten and placed in a group home. He was in and out of the system in jail, juvenile detention, and mental health facilities. I had worked with him for a few months off and on. I would get voicemails "Hey Chap (short for chaplain) free to talk? " I went to NA meetings with him, and I was so blessed to see him graduate the program and stay sober for a year. He disappeared in May of 2017 and his probation officer, aunt, and I had searched for him. He had been off his meds, suffered a break, and the pain of his past caught up to him. His aunt called me at 10:05am saying he was at Banner hospital. He had tried to kill himself with poison. He basically drank bathroom chemicals and meds. His body was giving out, but he was talking. It was not super coherent, but he was speaking. His aunt on one side, I was on the other. He asked for forgiveness, apologized and kept repeating passages of his favorite book. Sitting with him, holding his hand and praying, was difficult. 

    Mr. Rathmousen was a schoolteacher from Georgia and he was a call I took. He was depressed, lost his job and his wife left him for a man she worked with. He couldn't afford his meds, his house, and his cat passed away a few weeks before. He was alone, lonely and emotional. He was on the phone with me for hours. He stayed with me when I asked him "5 more minutes" or "Please wait, I need you to talk to me. I'm lonely." He and I spoke almost every day for a week or two, then every few days, and eventually every week. He was doing so well! Until the divorce hearing, where the wife brought her new boyfriend and was awarded ashes of his recently deceased cat "boots." He lost his apartment in the divorce and moved to a shifty weekly rate motel, and donated plasma to be able to eat. He called me on a Thursday night. He couldn't do it anymore. He had been drinking. I had sent EMS and PD to his location. My co-volunteer had reached out to the motel to try to get someone to the room. I asked him "Please, Adam just 5 more minutes?!" He gave me a small sigh, " I want to be with bootsie,thank you!" It was quiet and I was starting to cry. He heard me sniffle and said "you need to work on your algebra." I heard him put the phone down but he didn't hang up. I screamed for him, cried, begged, and I heard it. The pistol, the sound of him falling and the pistol falling. Then silence... painful. You know silence has a weight, it's heavy like water and as painful as a kick in the gut. I stayed on the phone and heard the knocking on the door, yelling, the beeping of the hotel keycard opening the door, steps, talking, and the click on the phone being put back in the receiver and a dial tone. 

 These deaths were painful and hard, but you can't have good without bad, or bad without good. I have seen so much good. Stayed on the call or in the video chat as as they had prayed for help, put the gun down, let police and EMS in for help. I have been invited to weddings, baptisms, births, graduations, parties. I have gotten letters, calls and videos of people who chose to fight and get help. No one is weak who chooses not to stay! Not at all. It's an extremely difficult choice, no matter what it was. To stay and live or to let go and leave. It's their choice but I respect their decision either way. 

(8) Every time I go to the VA , I get asked if I am experiencing suicidal thoughts. Why is that ? 

You did something that only a percent of our population has ever even considered. You chose to fight for your country, you offered your life to save others. It's not an easy thing you signed up to do. The members of our armed forces have seen things I can never imagine. You have been in situations that required sacrifice and actions that are difficult to make. My best friend was in the Army, and the things he did and saw broke his heart and wounded his soul.  The military and VA have made huge strides in attempting to help their men and women overcome these traumas. Almost 60% of veterans who have attempted or succeeded in a suicide attempt as of the last count on 2020. My hope is that they are trying to reduce those numbers.

(9) The holiday season which just passed brings its own set of stress, depression and unfortunately suicides . In your opinion, why does that happen? 

The holidays are supposed to bring people together and when a person has no one or is isolated for their loved ones it's difficult to cope. Studies have shown that the physical pain or isolation, loneliness, and heartbreak rivals the pain of a broken bone, heart attack and on one study kidney stones. It's easy to feel alone when social media and TV is covered in Hallmark snowy romances. I definitely think seasonal depression is a thing, as well as the stress of purchasing gifts and decorations. 

(10) What is the main reason you decided to become a volunteer?   

I don't think it was really a choice. From early on I had this overwhelming voice in my heart. Constantly pulling at my heart and mind. It started off when I was 8ish at my grandparents' house. I decided I wanted to be a nun, horse trainer, plummer or dragon slayer. Around 11-12 I decided I wanted to be like Pastor Kathy. I went horse trainer route for a few years. Around 18 the call started again and was always inside of me. A constant need to go to God, to serve. It was like trying to ignore a call from a telemarketer. I turned away from him, but he never let go of my heart. He kept pulling me closer and closer to him and as much as I fought him, he held on, and I finally let him in. I followed his lead and years later I am still going strong. I really love people and animals. I know sometimes I get tired, and my life can be stressful. At times I'm moody and can overall project the personality of a house cat but deep down in my heart this is what God made me for.

Part two.. March 1st