(1) You spell your name as Lis instead of the Liz , why is that?

 I was kind of named after my mom. My mom’s name was Elizabeth, but she went by Betty, not Liz. My parents named me Lisa, but my mom always called me Lis. I loved my mom dearly. Being non-binary I hated the name Lisa, it always felt too feminine. Not that feminine or “femme” is a bad thing, it just did not feel right for me. I chose to have people call me Lis. I literally cringe if someone calls me Lisa. I tell people my name is pronounced “Lease “ like new lease on life. In truth, that is exactly what I got, a new lease on life. It’s frustrating when people who have known me a while continue to call me Liz or Lisa but I just correct them and move on. 

(2) You do not identify as a woman or a man , explain that for those who have never met you?

I identify as non-binary. What that means is my gender identity can’t be described as exclusively woman or man . Gender is a social construct, the gender binary is the idea that there are only two genders that are considered opposite to one another. Different expectations are placed on each gender in terms of behavior, role, dress, and much more. My gender identity leans a little more towards masculine or “masc”, but I have never felt comfortable being identified as either a man or a woman. I’m a little of both and neither. I used to tell people when I was a kid that I was a gay man trapped in a woman’s body. Since my top surgery the womens body is not so much anymore. Now I just tell people I’m a flamer. If you know me, you know I own it when I say I am a flamer.

It gets a little more complicated for people when it comes to gender identity. Gender identity is not the same as gender expression. Gender identity is the gender you feel you are. It’s your personal sense of what your gender is. Gender expression includes how you dress, behave, act, and even speak in relation to your gender. I have never considered clothing as anything but fashion. It’s ridiculous that we say something is inherently masculine or feminine. I mean it’s freaking clothing. Personally I feel sexy and even down right pretty in a rainbow beard, glitter eye shadow and lips wearing high heels and sometimes a skirt.

When discussing gender, we also have to brush on the topic of a person’s pronouns. I use they/them pronouns. I also perform as a Drag King named Phantom Nips so I am comfortable with the pronouns he/him when I am in Drag. I am also Transgender or “Trans”. What that means is my gender identity does not correspond with the sex registered for me at birth. The term AFAB means assigned female at birth, and the term AMAB means assigned male at birth. I am AFAB. I wish it just meant I was fabulous.

(3) What is the first time / age you knew that the way you looked at life was normal for you , but different for others?

t was probably around the age of five. I have two older brothers and was always trying to do the activities that they were doing like karate, sports in general, and building things. My mom would dress me in dresses and put barrettes in my hair and I would sneak off outside and promptly take them off and run around playing bare chested in my frilly underwear. Mind you, I was five and did not have a hang up or sense of shame about my body. I saw my brothers take their shirts off outside and in public and I wanted to do the same. This never went over well with my family and they would tell me girls did not do that kind of stuff. I never thought of myself as a girl, I was just me. I even remember fake shaving my face with my dad when I was a small child . I thought I looked good with my little shaving cream beard and mustache. Back then I had no idea what queer, gay, transgender or non-binary was. I just knew I was not like my parents or siblings. I knew they were uncomfortable with how I acted and so I tried to hide it around them. When people talk about children and say they don’t know who are, or what they are because they are just children and will grow out of it, that is not completely true. We know who we are, we know how we feel. We know we are queer, and we know when we feel more like a boy , or a girl or something else. We know we don’t fit in sometimes and we try to hide ourselves so we can blend in and just be accepted. It doesn’t go away, we can suppress our feelings and hide our identity, but we know who we are, we just don’t have the words for it sometimes.

(4) Did you get support from the people closest to you once you realized this?

No, I knew that my family did not want their children to be “gay”. They would say things like “ you look like a lesbian “ if I wore all black clothing, or “you’re acting like a Tomboy” if I played army with the boys. I did not have any queer role models. I remember when I was about nine years old hearing my mom talk about her hair dresser. She said that this person hated men because she was abused by a man and that caused her to become a lesbian. Like something traumatic had to happen to a person to make them gay, and they were “normal “ before that.

(5) The number 332, What does that mean to you? ( explain them )

Ahh, the Angel number. My mom believed in that. For me it is a reminder that I need to stay on track to reach my goals. I need to love the process, and the journey will lead me to where I need to be. It is also a reminder to be a good example, to try to be a good person and help others along my way. I guess my “example” is showing people me, all of me, my failures, and my short comings, not just the successes . I like to think that if I can be vulnerable with another human being who is going through something then they might see they are not alone and maybe give them a little hope . Just surviving the night sometimes is all we can do. The number 332 is a reminder that nothing worth it comes easy, and don’t expect a hand out. Nothing is impossible, but you have to want it, I mean really want it. You have to be willing to sacrifice and put yourself through the trials and tribulations that come with getting what you want. If you want to be better, you have to do better. You have to sit in the discomfort until you can move past it. Lastly, that number just reminds me of my mom. She died in 2010 but she is always with me in my heart. I guess you can say I live with a broken heart.

PART TWO - COMING SOON