(1) Domestic Violence has many forms, controlling, physical, sexual, image based, emotional or psychological, verbal, social & spiritual.

Which form / forms were you a victim of?

I have witnessed and experienced verbal, physical, and emotional DV.

(2) How long were you in that relationship (less than one year, less than three years, less than five years or more than five years)

There were two relationships. One over five years and one under five years.

(3) In the beginning, how was your situation when you two first got together?

In both situations the beginning was amazing! "Rose colored glasses"

(4) Did your partner show any potential warning signs/red flags early in your relationship? Do you have any examples of earlier behavior that became true later?

Not in the beginning but after a year, small things started surfacing. Things like guilt trips, isolation, bits of anger bursts.....

(5) Small things seem to trigger the abuser to get them to react, say things, or do things. What are some of the things you remember?

It could be anything really. Questioning the person was a common trigger.

(6) Often abusers are unwilling to understand why you're unhappy or will tell you that it doesn't matter. Can you describe an incident where your happiness didn't matter, only theirs?

Many scenarios, anytime my feelings were brought up, they were turned on me then thrown in my face because I was just trying to make the person feel bad.

(7) One of the traits of domestic abuse is isolation. Did you ever feel isolated from your friends, family, colleagues?

Yes, I was slowly isolated from all of them.

(8) Where any of your friends, family or colleagues aware of what was going on or if not, how did you hide it?

No, not really. In front of others, it was "picture perfect"

(9) How did that make you feel pulling away from the people who cared about you?

Sad, I have lost friends and family relationships strained.

(10) Another trait is the blame game where you get blamed for their actions. Did that occur in your situation and can you elaborate?

Many times, I was accused of infidelity when that person was the guilty one.

(11) Spoken words can do just as much if not more damage as physical as it can linger just as along as any bodily injury. When you hear those words coming from someone who "supposedly" cares about you , how did you feel?

When the harsh word started surfacing, I was shocked, in dismay and devastated.  Towards the end of the relationships, they were just words gone unheard.

(12) One of the words that I have heard describing a domestic violence relationship is chaos. What comes to mind about your situation when you hear that word?

Chaos is a perfect word to describe DV. You don't know which way is up. You don't know how to leave. You don't know how to fix it. You don't know how to make the person happy. You just don't know how or what to think. You are in pure survival mode. "If I can just get through the day...."

(13) What is the biggest challenge/situation you have had to overcome in the relationship and how did you deal with it?

Believing I wasn't the chaos creator. I thought for the longest time it was me. "Maybe I am too emotional" "Well maybe I do like picking fights". I started journalling. I then started researching. At times I would record situations to replay to see if I was the "chaos Creator"

(14) Was there ever a time when something happened where you feared your life?

Thankfully no.

(15) It takes an enormous amount of courage to make the decision to get out of that situation. What was the final incident that made you decide enough was enough?

It was weird because I had a gut feeling that morning it was going to be one of "those days". Had a day full of events with friends and family. All was going good until the end. HUGE angry outburst on the way home. Had a long drive since we were out of town. At the end of the drive, I just told myself "this is it no more".

(16) The very first day you were finally away from the abuser , what was that feeling like?

Different but calming. Still a little anxious but after a week is about when I felt a true physical release of tension.

(17) Once you finally got out of the relationship, one of the hardest things to do is decompress/relax. How long did it take you to finally find peace with your decision?

It was the first time I dropped/spilled a drink on accident. I was anticipating an outburst but quickly realized I was no longer in the chaos.

(18) Now that you are out of that relationship , what activities have you started to do again?

Self-care, adventuring the great outdoors, continued education, and who knows what else tomorrow will bring. 

(19) You are a stronger person today than you were in your previous relationship .What is the one thing that you have noticed about yourself that has changed?

I care more about inner peace than I have ever before. I've started a journey of self-love.

(20) What is the one thing you would like for others to take from this?

"it's not you, it's them" They are the unhappy ones. You're not the "Chaos Creator" Even though you feel alone, You're not.

If you are a victim of Domestic Violence please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline 800.799.(SAFE)7233 or text 88788 for 24 hour help .