(1) Domestic Violence has many forms, controlling, physical, sexual, image based, emotional , psychological, verbal, social & spiritual. Which form / forms were you a victim of?

Definitely all of them at random times in the marriage plus financial abuse which I didn’t even think was a thing. My check was deposited into his account because he made me feel I wasn’t responsible enough to have money.

(2) How long were you in that relationship (less than one year, less than three years, less than five years, or more than five years)

10 plus years - 3 kids

 (3) In the beginning, how was your situation when you two first got together?

We were adorable young he appeared the sweetest kind person

 (4) Did your partner show any potential warning signs/red flags early in your relationship? Do you have any examples of earlier behavior that became true later?

Especially with money.

(5) Small things seem to trigger the abuser to get them to react, say things, or do things. What are some of the things you remember?

He expected our house to always be perfect, dinner hot when he got home. I worked nights as a nurse and with 2 littles, it was common to him coming home and throwing a tantrum.

(6) Often abusers are unwilling to understand why you're unhappy or will tell you that it doesn't matter. Can you describe an incident where your happiness didn't matter, only theirs?

If I had a dollar every time he said “you wanted kids so they are your problem” and I shouldn’t be upset at him for not helping.

(7) One of the traits of domestic abuse is isolation. Did you ever feel isolated from your friends, family, colleagues?

Yes?

 (8) Where any of your friends, family, or colleagues aware of what was going on or if not, how did you hide it?

I became a damn makeup artist. I hid every black eye, handprint and burn.

(9) How did that make you feel pulling away from the people who cared about you?

Alone.

(10) Another trait is the blame game where you get blamed for their actions. Did that occur in your situation and can you elaborate.

If I’d only STFU he’d never have to get mad. If only I’d lose weight he’d take me places

(11) Spoken words can do just as much if not more damage as physical as it can linger just as along as any bodily injury. When you hear those words coming from someone who "supposedly" cares about you, how did you feel?

I still struggle. I’m 135 lbs , over 50 yrs old and 20 plus years later ,I still hear his words regarding my body & I still cover up. I wanted to be out of my shell after I steppped out of the HELL he locked me in. I always end up pushing people away and retreating to my safe space.

(12) One of the words that I have heard describing a domestic violence relationship is chaos. What comes to mind about your situation when you hear that word?

Eggshells. I was never at peace. I never knew when he was going to fly off the handle.

(13) What is the biggest challenge/situation you have had to overcome in the relationship and how did you deal with it?

I don’t know if I ever will be completely healed but through therapy for many years, I refuse to ever be in another relationship that doesn’t value my worth but part of me doesn’t feel like I deserve it.

(14) Was there ever a time when something happened where you feared your life?

Yes!

(15) It takes an enormous amount of courage to make the decision to get out of that situation. What was the final incident that made you decide enough was enough?

I found out I was pregnant with our youngest. I was on BC depo shot when he came home, I was excited but the pregnancy infuriated him. He dragged me down the stairs after he spent what felt like forever screaming at me over & over. He blamed me for planning another pregnancy & told me he’d kill me if I didn’t have an abortion. He left to go drink, I calmy took the kids to the hospital daycare. I loaded the car with what I could and left that night. I didn’t go to work, I left that and never went back.

 (16) The very first day you were finally away from the abuser, what was that feeling like?

I could breathe but I was in hiding.

 (17) Once you finally got out of the relationship, one of the hardest things to do is decompress/relax. How long did it take you to finally find peace with your decision?

Years.

(18) Now that you are out of that relationship, what activities have you started to do again?

Painting.

(19) You are a stronger person today than you were in your previous relationship. What is the one thing that you have noticed about yourself that has changed?

Stronger no but definitely wiser.

(20) What is the one thing you would like for others to take from this?

You are enough, you are good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, & know your worth. LOVE YOURSELF

My story isn’t pretty, but I survived my kids survived even the one he wanted dead therapy has helped both of us I don’t hate him I try and find the light I remain distant but never kept the kids from him navigating my peace and their relationship with him was the most difficult

If you are a victim of Domestic Violence please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline 800.799.(SAFE)7233 or text 88788 for 24 hour help .