(1) What are the 3 C's of grief? 

Closeness, Context and Confluence as described by E.G.Wright.  Connecting, Communicating and Creative Coping by R.Gireka. I have adopted my own variation  Connection to your pain, Contacting someone to help you cope and continual prayer and reflection. 

(2) What is Anticipatory Grief?   

Is a grief or emotion felt before physical death. I view it as grief in acknowledging illness, injury or the understanding of an impending death or bad outcome. I see it alot in hospice families who are able to heal well after the physical loss of the person, pet, or place.

(3) What do you consider the toughest stage of grief?

Acceptance-in acceptance i have moved past my denial, bargaining , guilt and anger. Once grief is accepted, I can begin to process and move on. 

(4) What does unresolved grief look like?

That is tough for me to answer as I am currently battling my own unresolved grief. It's a hard and ugly journey and I am still trying to navigate it myself. The day she slipped away I wanted to lay down and die right along with her. I begged God to bring her back to me. I prayed for a moment more, one more day. One more hour, minute or second. To me my grief is presenting in anxiety, crying, periods of panic where I feel like I need to punish myself for allowing it to happen. I am having issues focusing, letting go, moving on, and fixating in detail I can't change. I see photos and cry, I hear the name and cry. Unresolved grief isn't weakness, it's compounded grief. Heartbreak after heartbreak that you try to to navigate.Unresolved grief and depression are often confused and include different treatments. 

(5) Why is the second year of grief considered the hardest?

In my own opinion I feel it is hardest because the second year will have brought the person through the milestone holidays, events, and once the individual moves past it they begin to allow us to heal. Once we realize we are healing we start to feel guilty. Guilt that we are moving on and allowing happiness back in.

(6) How do you make a grieving person happy?

I do all kinds of things. my love language is food and acts of service. I will bring someone a meal, help with laundry, or watch children or an ailing parent so they can have alone time. Sometimes people are just happy with your offers even if they do not choose to take you up on it. I have therapy animals I bring along with me. I pray for them, I have a literal notebook full of people, animals, places that I pray for. I try to go out of my way to make them feel thought of, considered, loved, understood and accepted. God has given me an amazing gift in this love that I can't seem to ever get rid of. It's a constant flow of energy, love, and empathy that pours out of me. I try to give as much of it away as I can. I also carry a lot of chocolate, candy, and gummy bears. 

(7) What specific strategy do you use for helping people cope with grief? 

Woo and Coo--- I do my best to be the quiet and comforting Presence. I allow them to transfer their grief and trauma to me. I ask them what about that thing (human,animal,etc. I had someone violently grieve a potted fern before. I helped them write a memoir of that thing and also write a memoir of their grief. We do acts of love and service to honor their memory. 

(8) What is the hardest part of being a grief counselor?   

Transferred Trauma and Compassion Fatigue. Sometimes it feels as if my cup is so full, but water keeps on being added as it threatens to overflow. I have heard some of the worst things and seen cruelty. Real horrors done to people and animals. I have seen the different ways people and pets can pass away and suffer. I have chosen to carry images and memories that were not originally mine, but I know this is what God made me for. Seeing things like that breaks my heart over and over again but it seems like after a little time my spiritual battery is recharged and ready to go. 

(9) What is the one thing you are most proud of while doing this? 

I am proud of the people in my life. The ones who love me and tolerate my exhausting attempts to save the world. My friends and family are all absolutely amazing humans, and they are always there for me when I need them. My mother's faith helped me understand my calling. My father's patience in allowing me to literally bring home every animal I came across. My amazing boyfriend is always there for me, picking me up when my emotional burden is too heavy. My daughter who is probably the coolest kid around and is so understanding of my nonsense and quest to help everyone. I am proud of the individual who has worked so hard to overcome their struggles and fought their demons. I am proud of the people who I have spoken or visited with. I am not so much proud of myself as I am them. I see the struggles of others around me every day, and my heart is so happy that they never give up. Even if it is ugly, messy, or chaotic, I am proud of their progress. 

(10) What is the one thing you would like for people who read this article to get out of it? 

You are not alone; you will never be alone. Life can be shitty, it can break you. Take you down at the back of the knees. It's ok to fail, it's ok to have bad days. Nothing is going to be perfect, and it's normal! Pain, fear, grief, anxiety, depression, rejection, failure, and confusion are normal emotions, and you shouldn't be ashamed of them. No one is ever unloved and unwanted, unvalued, or unappreciated. Please don't be afraid to ask for help, reach out. Someone will always listen. I will always be available if anyone needs someone. Just know that even if you are on your own, you are not alone. Someone somewhere is praying for you. Someone is rooting for you, and I will always be a cheerleader if you need one, or if you need chocolate and gummy bears. If I can leave you with a few thoughts please remember that smiles are free, give them away. Feed your pets, call your loved ones. Don't procrastinate on getting gas. Invest in good shoes, drink some water. Most importantly please don't ever forget that God loves you and so do I!

Next one : TBD